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Is this appropriate for the Flush pages?
AND THE TOP COUNTRY TUNES ARE:
10. Last Time You Left Me I Was
Lookin' For A Right.
9. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Shur Do Miss Him.
8. Please Bypass This Heart.
7. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger.
6. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat.
5. Yer
The Reason Our Kids Is So Ugly.
4. If the Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.
3. She's Actin' Single and I'm
Drinkin' Doubles.
2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer.
And the Number 1 Country and Western song of
all time is . . .
1. I Ain't Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women But I Shore Woke Up With A Few.
Yer
pal, DeRatso
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I went out looking for a summer
cottage this morning. Found a nice one in the woods. Three rooms and a path.
Years ago when I was but a college
aged boychick I was asked to become a partner in a ski club and share in a resort house owned by the members. I was invited
for an evenings partying before deciding to buy in or not. After consuming beaucoup Budweiser's I needed the comfort of the
porcelain. I asked where the bathroom was and was pointed to an outhouse behind the place and up a hill. It had snowed all
day and the depth was near two feet with deeper drifts. I struggled up the hill falling several times, near frozen. Finally
I reached the outhouse and while pulling the door open somebody shouted from back at the house, "we have two more bathrooms
inside the house.
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Graffiti in men's rooms. Usually printed in a childish hand.
1. "Give
to mental health or I'll kill you."
2. The whole of Hamlet's soliloquy. "To be or......
3.
A pencil line arrow starting just above the urinal, going straight up to the ceiling, going anti-clockwise four fifth of the
way around the ceiling, dropping toward the floor, stopping two feet (about knee level or a little above) with a note "If
you have followed the arrow this far you are undoubtedly pissing on your shoes."
And that juvenile favorite:
"Here I sit in silent bliss,
listen' to the tinklin' piss.
Soon a healthy fart is heard,
followed
by a red hot turd."
By Anonymous,
the same guy what
writ Beowulf.
How about some
three worders from various contributors?
Here's several:
Pizzes me off!
Yer shittin' me!
Wipe your ass!
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Drinking Beer.
I used to drink a lot of Budweiser.
That was after I had a little money and could afford it. Before that I drank Schmitzs of Philadelphia (16 oz. bottles, 24
bottle case --- Eight bucks). Then things improved monetarily and I went from the cheap shit to Bud to fancy micro-brews and
exotic imports (No not erotic, dammit, exotic. Drinking mucho beer is limp inducing). No matter what the beer brand one doesn't
buy it one rents it.
In my hometown there was a mom & pop brewery that produced a brand called American Standard.
I figure they brewed in porcelain johns.
Jerry
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